Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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