It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
