I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
