He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
