i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
