but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
