When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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