I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
as a side note pls kill me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
