Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
