My sheets look like a crime scene.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
