toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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