Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
