watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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