Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
