You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
