There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
