he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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