I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
