i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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