guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
