I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
