Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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