i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
