so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
