this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
