yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
