i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
