My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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