When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
