she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
