I seem to have left my pride at pride
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
