just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
