It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
