Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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