Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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