he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
