remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
