I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
