dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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