I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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