tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
