just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
