It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
