Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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