So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He shit in the fireplace
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