hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
