oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
