so explain again why im purple
no
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
