How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
