I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
